When I was pregnant with T, I used to dream (like, dream, while I was sleeping,) about my (future) life with two kids. It was never good. I dreamed that I left one of them places. Horrible places. Like on the top of my car, as if one of them were a forgotten cup of coffee. Once I dreamed that I left the baby on a city bus (I didn't even ride the bus.)
Once at the zoo I misread my watch and thought I'd forgotten to pick up the girls from a class. I hadn't, but the possibility was plausible. I was right on time, early even, but for several panicked moments I thought I was about an hour late.
I regularly forget stuff at the grocery--everyone does that. I've spaced a couple of social engagements--I've also been stood up. I've occasionally left the house without my shoes or in my slippers--but not like my friend who used to do it all the time!
I'm generally pretty good with details.
Today I forgot my atm pin. I've had the same pin for years; long enough that the card is about to expire. I use it a couple of times per month. I've typed in the pin probably 50 times.
There I was, standing at the cash machine, needing to get cash for today's incidentals (and paying C's tutor,) and all I could come up with was the combination for my padlock (it's not even similar.)
I wasn't particularly preoccupied--no more so than usual. I wasn't in a hurry. I wasn't Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired (the checklist I go through when I don't know why things aren't "right" with me or one of the kids.) For some reason, I just couldn't pull the numbers out of my brain. It was really unsettling.
So, I made plan B (skip the coffeeshop and make alternate arrangements with the tutor,) got on the highway, cranked up some music and hoped for the best.
As soon as I was able to forget about it, it came to me. I hit a different atm on the other side of town, and the crisis was averted.
I'm still unsettled. Like something huge is going to dawn on me at any moment.
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